I was born into a loving family and everyone got along. I could say my family was pretty close to perfect. And it was like that for awhile. But then it changed one day when i was nine years old. I watched my dad try to kill my sister. After that my life turned for the worst. Ever since then I’ve had horrible dreams about my dad trying to kill either me, my sister or mom.
When i began 5th grade i was bullied pretty bad. I was called ugly on a daily basis. I never felt good enough and i felt like i didn’t fit in. It continued to 6th grade also but stopped when i started 7th grade.
7th grade i started hanging around the wrong crowd. They were a lot older then me. They did drugs so i did also. I felt like i fit in for awhile. I started smoking weed, doing cocaine, pills, heroin, and mdma. I had a best friend and a boyfriend. My best friend soon turned against me, and made everyone else too. Rumors started spreading around and i soon became the “whore of the town”. I had no friends and it seemed like everyone hated me. I became very depressed and suicidal. I attempted suicide twice and began cutting. This continued through 8th grade.
Soon after i attempted suicide, i was sent to a mental institution. I was 15 at the time. I was in there for a month and two weeks. It was the worst time in my entire life. I saw things in there that truly scard me for life. My roomate raped her younger sister and her dog. Almost everyone in there was diagnosed psychotic or were in there after being charged with being criminally insane. There were people that were diagnosed schizophrenic, manic, depressed, suicidal, homicidal, bipolar, psychosis and more. Some people were in there for attempting suicide, homicide or have molested or raped someone. While i was in there a patient tried to rape me. It felt like prison in there. It was a very dark and sick place. They treated you like animals. While i was in there i was diagnosed with psychosis and PTSD for watching my dad try to kill my sister. PTSD is post traumatic stress disorder. Which causes me to have flash backs of what happened with my dad. It got so bad that when i got home i began sleeping with a knife.
When i got out the mental instition my life was hell. I began to have social anxiety. Im still struggeling with my PTSD and the pain the mental instition gave me. Im also struggeling with the death of my best friend and a suicide of another friend, and a friend being murdered.
I’m on the path of recovery. Ive became sober and found god. Even though some days are harder then others, i have hope. I am trying to find peace within myself. And i know, i will rise up above this and one day live a normal life.
